0:00 I got taken from my home at five. I was trafficked and beaten frequently. Instantaneously, God was now my scapegoat. Statistically speaking, by the time you're 24 years old, you're either going to be dead or in prison. That's what happens to people who graduate from Juby. And at this point, I have questions. So now I start hitting pastors up and priests up, and I'm going to churches, and I'm trying to find a home. And this movement, this Raelian movement, they come in. Everything they tell me is believable. They put this spin on the Bible. They answer every question that priests couldn't answer. They take the time to explain to me the things that priests told me to take on faith. You got out of it for a reason. They wanted me to video record myself denying Jesus Christ.
0:52 I fell to my knees the day I heard I was being accused, and begged God. I was like, please, Lord, I'll go through anything. Please don't put me through this. My name is Nathan Wing. I'm a 37-year-old male, ex-Marine, father of one, and I have an associate's degree, and I'm currently a truck driver. I don't know everything about your life and how you got started in Raelism and everything like that. How did that come across? And then take me through the whole process. What happened? My life was really messed up pretty much from childhood on. I got taken from my home at five and put into the system where I was trafficked and beaten frequently. And while I was in there, I had tried to speak out to the workers, and I was summarily beat again.
1:57 I was told that nobody wanted me, and that I was to speak only when spoken to. And so this initially made me kind of withdraw within myself. But I had always had these questions, you know, because the second foster care home that I was sent to was not as bad. It was the first home that was really bad. The second one wasn't so bad, and they were some sort of, you know, a Christian family. And they introduced me to this idea that there is a God who is omniscient and omnipotent. And as a child, I didn't know what that meant, and they just said, he's all-powerful and he knows everything. So for me, instantaneously, God was now my scapegoat. You know, this meant that there was this all-powerful being who allowed what happened to me to happen. And, you know, virtually any child that's put through that sort of a circumstance, he becomes angry.
3:04 You know, the people who, as a child, you count on to protect you ended up being the ones that hurt me and exploited me. And so there was just this defiance and this anger towards pretty much everybody, I guess. At the end of the day, there was no real specific targets, but authority had no... respect from me at all. So it didn't matter if it was a police officer or... It just didn't matter. Teacher, parents, none of that stuff really held any leverage with me. So I eventually, by the time I was 13, 14 years old, I was put into a group home called the Opportunity Farm for Boys. And in this home, they allowed us to go to church on Sunday, and I got to choose which church I wanted to go to, which was a Catholic church, Protestant church, or I think the third choice was Baptist.
4:07 And so, like, I tried each one out, you know, but at this point, I'm pretty much dead inside, and I'm really just going to, you know, to get out of the home on Sundays. That's really the only reason I'm going. But it occurs to me while I'm going to these different churches and just trying them all out that I'm still... I'm seeing these adults in these churches, and they're putting on this front, you know, like they're... It's all kumbaya and hallelujah on Sunday, and then it's back to the same routine Monday through Saturday. And so this catches my attention as a youth that this is just another big sham. Same as, you know, government and authority. It's all a facade. It's just a thing that people pretend. And so... Fast forward, what, 20, 21 years.
5:08 Regardless... Well, no, I think that's actually fast forwarded too much. Two years, you fast forward in Juvie Hall. I'm in juvenile detention as... Well, obviously as a juvenile. And there's a guy there by the name of Dan Mercer, and he is the pastor for the juvenile detention, detention facility. And he, I don't know what he sees in me because I'm an angry kid. You got to understand, I'm angry. I take it out on everybody. I don't allow people to get close to me. I don't want people to get close to me. I don't trust anybody. I came from a home, my natural home is also very abusive. And so there's not a lot of good that I would imagine people can see me. But this guy, Dan Mercer, he sees something. And him and another gentleman spend a lot of, I want to say the other gentleman was an apostolic Christian. And I say that because he spoke in tongues. So I believe he was an apostolic. Dan, not so much. I don't ever recall him speaking in tongues, but he, he cared, you know, and at the end of the day that if there was anything that broke through that defense mechanism, it was at this guy that didn't really know, me, cared about me. And he took the time to really get into depth about, you know, who God was. And he, I think he instantly knew this kid's hurting, you know, and there's a lot of hangups that he's struggling with. But between the two gentlemen, at 16 years old, I gave my life to Jesus. I don't know what that means. 16 years old, angry kid, I'm a juvenile. For all intents and purposes, my trajectory at this point in my life is prison or death. That's where things are going. And my mind at this age is, I don't care. Okay, let's do that. But I feel that because I'd given my life to Jesus, he took note. You know, God took note. Here's this kid that has this potential. Here's this kid that, that he's hated me. He's been angry towards me through no fault of my own, but, you know, God's got broad shoulders and he knew everything I'd been through. So a change began at this point, a change in my outlook, a change in how I viewed the world around me. It was very subtle. It wasn't a huge paradigm shift or anything like that. It was a change in how I viewed the world around me.
8:05 But there was just this subtle idea that maybe I was worth something. Maybe life didn't have to be about prison and death. Fast forward now. So when I got out of the juvenile detention facility, I got out at the age of 18. They call that graduating. And they give you a speech when you leave. They say, Hey, statistically speaking, by the time you're 24 years old, you're either going to be dead or in prison. That's what happens to people who graduate from juvie. So, you know, I leave and I have this mindset. I'm going to die or I'm going to be in prison within the next six, six years. And so I live life horribly. I mean, I treat people horribly. I just, I didn't really have compassion or care at all. And then 24 comes around and I'm still alive, not in prison. And so now I'm thinking, you know, Hey, maybe these guys don't know what they're talking about. So I decided to start pursuing my dream to make video games. And, uh, I go to college. I go to a community college. I get my associate's degree. I work on my associate's degree. And this is where I meet my, uh, my now ex-wife. And, uh, she ended up getting, pregnant and somewhere is in me. I said, you know, I don't want my child, any child of mine to be brought up in the kind of circumstances that I was brought up in. So I decide, you know, I'm going to marry this woman. That's, that seems like the right thing to do. It's the day of my daughter's birth. That's probably a huge paradigm shift for me. Um, I joined the Marine Corps, uh, while I was in college and while she was pregnant.
10:10 I'm trying to, at this point, I'm trying to change my life. Like now that I realize I'm not dead or in prison and, and what these people told me wasn't true, it's not accurate. You know, there's like this little glimmer of hope. Then my daughter is born and I had the amazing blessing, uh, of being able to deliver my daughter myself, uh, right in front of, front of the emergency room. So that's a very, um, concise description of my life. And it was tragic and, and, and, and totally messed up, but there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was this little, you know, there was, I can reflect on it now and I can see how God was there, uh, often, uh, waiting for me to clear up, you know, if you will. Um, and at this point I have questions like, I want to know, like, okay, so if God is omniscient and omnipresent and he saw all that stuff that happened, you know, but he loves me. So if he loves me, like now I have to understand, how's that possible? How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how do those two coexist? And so now I start, I start hitting pastors up and priests up and I'm, and I'm, I'm going to churches and I'm trying to find a home, a church home, you know? And, uh, and I'm asking questions, you know, how do you explain dinosaurs? How do you explain tectonic plates? How do you, you know, I'm taking this scientific knowledge that I'm taught in the secular world and I'm bringing it to these ecclesiastic experts, or at least that's what we'd like to believe that they're experts. And I'm hitting them with the hard questions because I want to know. And too often they can't answer my questions. Too often it's, you gotta take it on faith. I don't have faith at this point. I don't have that. That's not, uh, that's not in my tool belt. And so you roll in, here's where the railings roll in. I'm married now. I'm in the Marine Corps. I'm in college. I've got a lot on my plate. My daughter is born. She's, she ended up being born with a congenital heart defect. Uh, she, she's up for a major surgery at this point in my life. It's a lot.
12:21 I'm, I'm under a lot of stress and these railings, I, I don't even know where on earth I possibly found him from, to be honest with you, but it's, I'm still searching is the, is the thing. And this is the leverage that they use. Uh, I'm a very intellectual person. Um, probably as a result of my childhood traumas, there's not a lot of emotional maturity, uh, in me at all. Um, and so intellect is just what I lean on. And these, the, this, this movement, this railing movement, they come in, they're new, they're, um, you know, it's everything they tell me is believable. Uh, put this spin on the Bible that at this point that I've been looking into, I've been reading it. I've been researching it more than often for, for arguments. Uh, I used to be one of those people that read the Bible to prove his point rather than to search for the truth. And so these guys come in and they answer every question that priests couldn't answer. They take the time to explain to me the things that priests told me. To take on faith. And there's the hook. That's the hook right there. They answer the questions that the Bible doesn't answer. Uh, well, I didn't believe answered once I took the time to look into it myself. It does. Um, but pastors and priests and, and a large majority of the congregation, they're not actually spending the time in the Bible that they should. I agree. And if you're, if you're an intellectual person, and you're asking questions, you're pretty, usually pretty quick to pull up that, that, that realization that this person doesn't even know what they're talking about.
14:26 Um, they're just regurgitating information. Um, that leaves a huge opening for, for organizations like the Israelian movement to step in. Wow. I, I, can I just tell you a little bit about just a short 10 seconds about me? Same issue. Absolutely. Was, was I was over there and I was asking, I was asking, I was asking, I was asking, I was asking, I was asking, I was asking, I was asking questions. I, someone had said something that I didn't believe in. And I said, I'm going to read the Bible. I'm going to prove you're wrong. And so I started reading the Bible and had all these questions. I went to my pastor and I was like, so what about this? What about drinking? What about all this other stuff? And he's, he had all the odd, odd questions, all answers like taking on faith. By the way, I keep alcohol in my fridge. It's O'Doul's though. Ha ha ha ha ha. And, and I'm like, I don't understand that. So I went to another friend who was actually a former pastor. He was like in the mafia of Mexico. He ran away from that and, and found, uh, reading the Bible, came over, became a son of the Adventist. And he, he, he started telling me all about this stuff, answering my questions. And I realized that he had more of an understanding of the Bible than my pastor did. And it really took me aback for a second. And I started asking him a bunch of questions instead and just kind of not asking the pastor a bunch of stuff either.
15:48 So you're exactly right. It, it, and it deterred me. It pulled me in, in one way, but it also deterred me from going towards clergy or anything like that to answer my questions. Cause I was like, these guys are just getting a paycheck and they're not actually, uh, they don't actually know what they're talking about half the time. And so that's what really bothered me. So yeah, 10 seconds up. So box over, but at same, same, same predicament. I'm more curious about once you got into, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or. you told me that you had a, an experience in there and I want to get into that. Cause the, if, if I remember right, it was you that said that you got out of it for a reason and I don't want to steal the thunder. Yeah, so, well, like I said, I was a very intellectual person. It was about thinking things through. And so the idea that we're going out there to battle truth with God and we're going to adversely support Jesus and whatever we're doing, you know, there's actually only one way, the other way, we're going to stay on the throne. That's quite the thing. And those ways of doing it, I think for me is to really enjoy them and enjoy that? Well, that's a veryheral idea, we were created by an alien species, it was conceivable. It's conceivable, especially for a person who believes in science, you know, facts, you know, like I want evidence and science is built on evidence. You know, and so the idea that there is this intelligent extraterrestrial race that wanted to create an intelligent life form, but they're not allowed to do that on their own planet because it's illegal, because of the dangers, that's all very believable. If you're willing to accept the idea that humans aren't the only intelligent species in the universe, then that's very conceivable. But one day, we would communicate through emails, because as I'm sure you can imagine, the Raelian organization at the time, which would have been 2009, wasn't very large. So we would communicate to each other through email. And they would send out these large emails, usually talking about some portion of this documentation that this guy Rael had written.
18:02 But they asked me to go on YouTube, which was very new, like YouTube was fledgling at the time. But they wanted me to video record myself denying Jesus Christ. And that instantaneously, was the time that Dan Mercer spent with me, the fact that I had given my life to Jesus at 16, even if I wasn't aware of what it meant, whatever influence it was, something in me was like, that just doesn't make any sense. Christians are good people. They donate time, they donate money, they shelter people, they're putting clothes on people's backs. Even from my intellectual perspective, even if I thought that they were believed in, who knows? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And something and I want to say my spirit groaned. I don't know if that's accurate, but that's what it felt like it was like Oh This thing that you ask is is a big deal and out of pure caution because I Knew this this this was not a small topic like this. We're talking about Cosmic forces, you know, that's outside of my knowledge outside of my experience So I had to play it safe. I had to and I got down on my knees and I just said hey Whoever you are God Jehovah Yin and yang who at like I don't know how am I supposed to know who's right?
20:07 It's is it the Baptist? Is it the Mormons? Is it the Taoist is that Muslims because every single one of them say that they're the ones? That have it figured out. I'm just one man. How do I know? Who you are? How am I supposed to know who to believe in? That plea and I did that on my knees mind you for some reason. I'm not really sure why And very interestingly that day it's the same day my my wife comes home and She tells me she wants me to go to the grocery store, which is First off is an oddity my You know, my ex-wife did the shop and she managed the money and and I was comfortable with that So that was it was a little strange, but it wasn't like, you know, I pop in storyline kind of stuff But it's still fresh in my mind like his this is this is a Change is a pivot point for me and I know it I can recognize that this is a pivotal moment and I get in the car and I turn the radio on and I've always loved music Music has been my escape through a lot of my trauma through a lot of my frustrations when I'm hurt when I'm lost I always would turn to music and So at this time, I'm just turning the radio on because I'm heading to the grocery store and I hear this song It's an 80s rock song and I couldn't tell you what song was I only remember the third song But I hear this rock song that I've heard my whole life and for the first time it occurs to me It's talking about God Jesus Christ And the Holy Spirit first time it that that's ever dawned on me and I've grown up hearing this songs Yeah, you know and I'm thinking about this prayer that I just had asking, you know, what is real?
21:58 I need to know what's real and I just shrug it off. I'm like, okay, whatever so I Randomly change a radio station to another radio another station. I just write it off as coincidence And I land on another rock song. I've heard my whole life and again, It's like the wool is being pulled from my eyes that my ears are hearing for the first time and it occurs to me Here's another rock song. I've grown up with that's also talking about God Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit now I'm now I'm stunned now. I'm stunned because now one time coincidence twice. That's kind of hard to call a coincidence But I do I'm like, okay, you know, I'm looking for answers So of course like my brain, this is how I'm rationalizing my brain saying I'm just I'm focusing On something that could be answering the questions that I have in my mind. That's all it is So this is where it gets really ironic. So I hit the seek button, okay You know Which in itself is very ironic because I am seeking the truth I hit the seek button and lands on that song by I think it's green and tenenbaum green tenenbaum spirit in the sky This one anchors it for me that's Three songs in a row. I've literally hit a button called seek I'm seeking an answer to this question and the third song is also Telling me about God Jesus Christ in the Holy Spirit That was it. I've never had a doubt from that day on God Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are legit. They're real I from that day forward I've moved with that grounded understanding from a scientific goal scientific Point I had evidence Some key people might you know say that that's not really evidence, but you know God reached me in a manner that suited me he reached out to me by coming down to my level and That's it's all been pretty I guess you can say God works in mysterious ways I mean because sometimes those songs that they talk about God, but they talk about God from a almost Swapping the character of God, but I mean He can use anything to get our attention And so and so I I think that's phenomenal that that he put those three songs in series together And he said by the way, I'm real and everybody's talking Yeah Yeah, and I if I'm not mistaken I think that those three songs all originated during the great revival back in the what was it mid to late 60s hmm How about that?
24:44 and that's something and so what it's So so did you end up telling those the railings that you were? Not gonna continue or did they kick you out or what ended up happening there? I? Just uh I had an entire Persona for them. I don't know if you remember but back in the early 2000s They told us to protect our identities online And so you didn't create emails with you first and last name and all that stuff you remember and so there was a it was a persona Neo-neumonic was a persona that I had created to pursue that that realm a include a Facebook a myspace and email address and I just I just Deleted I think I deleted the email I believe the Facebook is still active You know actives not really an accurate word open. I think is the right word, and I just stopped talking to them. I just The day they asked me to deny Jesus Christ, they never heard another thing from me wow wow you know i have i have a um auralian audience there's a couple people that have reached out to me one one is more vocal than others and i won't say his name he's a nice guy but uh yeah he i actually asked him i reached out after i heard your story and i said has the auralians ever said to deny christ and he says oh yeah oh yeah we uh we did that and he talked about he said well since we're atheists then there should be no reason to deny christ and i scratched my head and went but if there is if you don't believe there's a god then why are you denying him you know why do you tell people that you want to uh you don't believe in the god you don't believe in you know it doesn't make a lot of sense to me but i don't know i think it's definitely something that there there's there that you have to take note of because even in hollywood i've been studying the understanding of music industry hollywood industry and what i found is that the higher you get into societies whether it be you have a lot of money there is something else going on at those highest realms and they there has been contracts up in hollywood they say you can't say the name of jesus christ we we not on set not here and so it it takes you aback and said oh so what is actually going on here that i can't say jesus doesn't make sense to me so that includes all of the um the modern and christian music yeah because i have noticed that that's very common that a lot of these uh new christian bands uh they sing these great uplifting songs but they they completely circle around the word jesus yeah yeah and they they play on the emotionalism and they don't talk about overcoming sin like how jesus can change us and and sanctify us they there's been very few even christian songs that even talk about that and i've told my wife that i'm not going to talk about that i haven't really talked about that much in the channel but i think that's it's really interesting that that's played on instead of the only overcoming power of christ how we need to ask forgiveness for our sins and and and things like that are are super important for christians but amen man well you know that the enemy doesn't want the world to know that yeah the and the church i find people that are born and raised in the church in my experience because they're really great people i mean don't get me wrong they totally are but the faith that they talk about is reflected in obedience alone um and not so much in sharing that loving compassion long suffering forgiveness to the people that are around them the drug addicts the rapists the murderers the child molesters these things that they they spark emotional responses in people and they don't seem to have the faith to walk through that it's it's scary it's intimidating uh no less so than i imagine getting out of a boat in the middle of a storm and trying to walk on water but go ahead yeah go ahead no no no i agree i 100 agree it's it's more of the they they want the justice instead of the mercy type uh yes of god and so you got one side of god but if you don't want to do it you don't want to do it you don't want to do it you don't have the love then you have nothing christ says and so i've experienced that myself just being in inside inside the church and don't get me wrong i felt like i didn't do it justice my testimony because i was trying to shorten it but but i do believe i went and worked for a church ministry for 10 years and i found that the guy who led this he was he had justice and mercy he was
29:35 he was very good but there are some out there you gotta really hunt for the right church because you don't find the right church even within congregation that you believe is the correct one um you can be in danger so sorry i cut you off there no no that's quite all right um well that's i believe i believe honestly um that anybody who is seeking the truth and is willing to invest the time and research in the bible and really diving into the scriptures cross-referencing scriptures from new testament to old testament back and forth if if someone takes that time if they're that hungry for the truth i'm a firm believer they'll end up in the seventh day adventist church and it and it's not really because i'm saying that oh seventh day adventists are you know ecclesiastic experts that's not it but there's in my experience it is not another faith out there as hungry for the truth as driven to be as biblically accurate as a seventh day adventist i just i haven't seen it anywhere else just had to study yeah absolutely and and i i'm glad you said that because i for a second i wasn't sure what your faith was or where you ended up and i was just fascinated that you left you left realism and i wanted to know more about why and uh so you so tell me more about that story how did you continue from realism and find the seventh day adventist church well it was uh it was a long time i started uh church surfing i think they call it uh i was home so from what i studied in the bible finding the answers to the questions that priests and pastors could never provide to me um i learned a lot of truths that aren't frequently talked about and so when i would go to a church i didn't go in as some some person looking for forgiveness you know like i had already discovered that jesus had forgiven me it was a gift and all i had to do was ask for it and repent and repent and repent and repent and repent and repent and repent and repent and accept him into my heart and really at once that was honestly done once i approached him with a contrite heart uh jesus does all the legwork he does all the footwork for you you know uh the change in starts to happen and it's not always pleasant but it the result is amazing um well i uh i was in let me see farmington maine uh i was dating this girl i was trying very hard to be obedient to the lord and i was like i'm gonna go to the church and i'm gonna go to the church and i'm gonna go to the church again not i hate the word obedience i really i hate the way it's used in biblical scriptures and here's why god isn't telling us what to do in the ten commandments i know people say it's a commandment and i i wasn't there when the day was written god's telling us hey if you want to be happy and healthy and live a long life here's what you need to do this is how it works that's yeah you know it's it's not a you gotta do this god didn't give us free will and then say okay now let's do this let's do this let's do this let's do this let's do this now that i gave you free will don't do what you want to do do what i tell you to do it's it's it's one of those illogical things that people say oh well you got to take on well i disagree um god knows that we're going to fall slip and fall if if you look at the the the the story of the israelites being freed from egyptian bondage is a is also it's the story of becoming a christian you know you're you're enslaved to this bondage uh god comes along he sends someone in your life to pull you away from this bondage named jesus christ you go and you get baptized by this water and then you spend this this time the sanctification process wandering in the wilderness and what do we do as sinners we gripe we complain we want what's familiar we want to return to our sin because it's familiar because we know it and god's calling us into something that is unknown it's unfamiliar and that's what we do we want to we don't know anybody there it's our own wilderness our spiritual wilderness if you will so uh but back to how did i end up get connected with the seventh day adventist church uh i'm i think at this point i'm around my 30s uh i've been divorced for like four or five years it was a terrible experience um the day that i realized that god jesus christ and the holy spirit were legit like that was that's the truth the the holy trinity is real life turned upside down and it's just been a wrestling match since and i'd like to say that i handled everything graciously and like
34:29 a good good good christian but that would be a lie uh i constantly fell uh i i screamed at god i blamed him a lot of the time i didn't understand i questioned him um they were just um they were just it was a long bumpy road but it had to be you're talking about a guy who grew up angry at the world who you know suffered this childhood trauma and i've never really gotten professional help for that so now i'm my daughter's like i think 12 years old at this point uh the the divorce was a nightmare you know i'm a convicted felon um and a marine so it like it was just it was one of those three things that went home you know like gandhi with him you know he's a felon and he's a bad guy and and and and it felt like all the good that i had done uh going to college joining the marine corps you know um deliver you know getting married getting all the checks and the boxes right and about it to nothing at the end of the day um but it had brought me to a place where i was now living in farminton main and i'm living with my new girlfriend and her daughter um and and i'm pretty easy going at this point in the realms of relationships, but I want to be, uh, I want to make God happy. It's not about obedience. It's about me pleasing God because God loves me and I love him. And so I don't want to have, uh, sexual relations with this woman. So it was a really bad idea for us to move in together. Um, you know, uh, things did not work out between us and I decided, Hey, you know, this is, this isn't working out. I didn't like, um, well, I don't want to drag her through the mud because I still love the woman, but I didn't, there were certain things in how that relationship went that I didn't like. Uh, and so I just said, Hey, we need to end this.
36:30 This isn't going in the right direction. Um, and she wasn't having it. She, uh, she fought me on it and she ended up, uh, she ended up accusing me of touching her daughter. No allegations. Yeah. Allegations like that are very serious and it turned my life upside down. Like, and I thought I'd already been through the ringer. Um, but this scenario pushed me to greater extent than I'd ever been in my life. Um, and God was there the whole time. Like if I could, if I could remember every single thing that he did, I was, I was, I was diving in my Bible. I, I fell to my knees the day I heard I was being accused and, and beg God. I was like, please, Lord, I'll go through anything. Please don't put me through this. And he was there with me through it out the entire thing. Uh, one of the scriptures that we read says that, um, nothing, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. And he says that he'll make our enemies scatter in seven different ways. When it came time for trial, the, uh, investigated another police department. The, uh, assistant district attorney was who was handling the case, uh, was caught trafficking drugs across state line. And so she was purged from the case.
37:56 Uh, I, I ended up going through like four different lawyers. Like I did the math and there was literally like seven things that the Lord had done to show me that, Hey, I'm here with you. You're going to be okay. Um, nonetheless, it, it, uh, it had, I was in such an emotional state. I, I was suicidal. I was depressed. I couldn't eat. Um, I couldn't even talk to my own daughter. Uh, it, it was, it was a trial. It was unlike anything I had ever endured. And I wanted to be close to God. Like I, he was in this moment, he was the only friend I knew. He was the only person that I could talk to and turn to and try to get comfort from. And my, uh, I had called my mom and talked to my mother and, and she was the one that had recommended, Hey, you should check out this, this Seventh-day Adventist church in Farmington. Especially women have incredible power when it comes to this. And it's going to be a very, very, very bad sin. You're accused of something that is, is completely wrong. That is, it blows my mind to, to realize how much, especially in this day and age, that power, that, that in, uh, un, uh, unbalanced power that the female gender has over men in this situation. And I, I truly believe it's imbalanced. And I, and maybe perhaps, perhaps there is a, um, it has been imbalanced in history where men have been overpowered than women. But, but right now there is, there is, there is, there is, there is, there is, there is, there is, there is, there is, there is some serious issues with this. And so I, I resonate with you and I, I, I, man, I, I can't believe that happened to you. And I, I completely understand what you're going through as a righteous individual. And that is accused of an atrocity like that. I, I, I, I get you.
40:04 Well, obviously I've had a lot, this was in 2012. So we're talking like 13, we're not 2012, it was 2018. Uh, so seven years ago. Um, but I've had a lot of time to think about it and I've drawn a lot of parallels to this, this, this unbalance that you're talking about today. Cause I've recognized it as well. And it could be because of the, you know, how traumatic such a situation is like that, but there are parallels to the garden of Eden. How did Satan get Adam to fall? He used Eve. And I see the same thing going on today, you know, that in, in, I hate it cause I'm, I'm not in any ways, um, sexist and I, I certainly don't think I'm chauvinistic at all. Um, but that being said, you know, everybody can tell you what, um, what, uh, chauvinism is, um, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or misogyny. There's a term that everybody could tell you what it means right away. How many people know what misandry means? You know, not many people. And there, cause there's this unbalance. Um, and I did draw a correlation because you do see this pattern in the Bible of women constantly leading men astray. Uh, it's a pattern that you see frequently, almost as much as, as, um, political leaders or Kings, uh, leading the people astray as well.
41:44 It's also another very common theme. Um, but praise God. It's, I had to go through that to really understand what that means to praise God in, in our hardships. Um, and what I've learned over the time, over all these hardships is that it only strengthens my faith more every time. Uh, cause God, he's faithful when I'm mad and I'm frustrated. And I just say, you know what, God, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done pursuing you. I'm done chasing you. It doesn't, it only makes life worse. And, and that's, there's truth to that because you become a big target for Satan. If he sees that you're, you're not just going to church and pretending, you're reading your scriptures, you're praying, you're talking to God, you're listening for God's response. You've become an enemy to the greatest ruler on earth. He doesn't like that. And you hear it talking to you. You're listening to God. You're listening to God. You're listening to God. about like what's his name Denzel Washington he talks about he says you know when you're doing something right life's gonna seem wrong because Satan is gonna attack you says when you really need to be worried when you're not being attacked because that means Satan doesn't need to do anything he's already got you and I have found that to be so accurate I'm not in that's in hey you know I'm not saying I'm perfect not by any means my perfection is found through Jesus and Jesus alone but that being said the caveat is that I pursue the Lord regularly I stumble I fall often I get tripped by the enemy that's what I call it he trips me he like he knows when I'm getting comfortable because he'll he sends something my way but it's it's something new and the reason it's something new is because God has already strengthened me in so many different areas that it really is a blessing and this this that scenario for example in that scenario where I'm accused of touching this little girl first off you know who I was most concerned about was my daughter and her daughter the impact that that sort of deception had on them the the way that must have changed how they viewed the world the way that they viewed the world like here's this person that they trust telling them hey lie because this person hurt me that's the way to handle scenarios when someone hurts me you hurt them as much as possible you know that yeah no I feel you I completely understand what you're saying and in fact it's not revenge is the Lord's and when you when you you attack someone's character what I wanted to do being a completely innocent and righteous person I was like are you kidding me and it brought revenge into my life and it was like I need to do something to them now I need to do something back and how but I am it's hard for human beings to sit back and go oh what will that do is that gonna actually solve the situation it's not but it sure makes you feel better for a moment and and it's so incredibly frustrating and so I I completely I empathize that's something of the day the Lord reminds me that vengeance is his just because she's making this mistake with my daughter and lying to her and manipulating her and what does this say that when we when we're respectful and love others when they're hurting us we keep coals on their head and uh so I think I think that I do I know that there's truth i know that there's truth in it because god said it not that i've actually seen that here on earth
45:59 i've i've asked for forgiveness from a lot of people that i hurt it's part of my recovery as an alcoholic and i've never seen any of it back but that's okay because it's not really what it's about um yeah you know uh and that's that that's not the me that christ met you know that's not that's not the me that that discovered that jesus christ god and the holy spirit of the same person like that's i'm an entirely different type of person than i was then because before oh yeah i definitely would have thrown thrown little grenades into their relationship and and and you know and then i would have pointed a finger at her and be like you reap what you sow you know but um that's just not it anymore getting back on topic that i went to that church uh the farmington seventh day adventist church and uh i had never felt like i found a church family until that day uh and there was definitely conflict in there you know just like any other church um but god spoke to me when i was ready to leave that church i saw the conflict and i was like you know what lord i i'm at this place right now where i don't really need all this conflict i've already got enough on my shoulders right now and i'm not going to leave that church i'm going to leave that church now and and i don't want to sound like a crazy person because god doesn't usually talk to me in a concise and clear manner in fact i generally don't get his memos um but this time when i told god that i was going to leave that church he was like look nathan you can keep looking for the perfect church or you can try to be the perfect example in my church and that was that clinched that clinched it for me i was like i'm i guess i'm just going to stay and as a truck driver i have had the pleasure of experiencing uh seventh day adventist churches all around the country and uh just a quick quick story is uh i went to a church in savannah georgia i think it's called the the west end church even though it's in eastern savannah but it's called the west end seventh day adventist church and my favorite part of seventh day adventism churches is that we do bible studies where people literally talk and all share their opinions about the bible the only other church that i've seen that in it are the um the mormons they do that something similar um so much in the bible and lots of in the other right yeah yes yep yep and um where was i oh yes and uh so i show up early for a bible study uh you know there's a you know how it is there's a handful of the dedicated people show up early and it's a huge church uh i think there's maybe like 20 or 30 of us there for bible study and um it doesn't occur to me at this point you know that i'm in georgia savannah you know i'm from maine so uh and then the congregation shows up and the pastor decides he's going to introduce me to the congregation and i stand up and i realize i'm the only white person and there's like a congregation of 400 people here wow what a melting pot so for the first time for the first time in my life i'm a minority and there's just this sea of dark faces you know which is cool i'm not racist at all i love people no matter what their color is but um those people treated me just like family yeah and i i've never seen that in any other faith uh ever i moved to north carolina uh i was looking for a seventh day having this church the first one i ended up in um ended up being an entirely mexican congregation the entire sermon was in spanish but i i've i've i've stuck it out uh and today i really try to let god lead me in my life and i'm not going to let god lead me in my life i'm not going to let god lead me in my life and direct my my foot my feet my path um i don't know what other people's experiences are but god doesn't uh he's not interested in me having a cushioned life he's not interested in me being
50:48 comfortable um he's not interested in things being easy uh i haven't i haven't found that but he does make sure i'm always taken care of he does make sure that if i get tossed into really bad situations he not only steps up but he steps up in a way that it is impossible not to glorify him if i'm being honest and and i'm grateful for that uh because life it's messy and it's only going to get messier so yeah that's that's my story and i'm sticking to it cool very good thank you so much that's that's very interesting and god's working in both of our lives i'm sure and can we'll continue to do that and i'll see you next time you and it's just a a fascinating journey that he has us on everybody even the watchers everyone that's watching uh is is on the same journey and um we can kind of all learn from each other so i appreciate i appreciate you coming in and sharing your experience because it's definitely something interesting that's happening i'm specifically talking about this this this whole um uap ufo uh railian uh style of hey our our ancestors are are scientists or god is just like us and he's put on our level it's it's it's not true it's what's true is that god is omnipotent he's all-powerful all-knowing omnipresent and everywhere and and so i think that it's it's a it's the god of the bible is the one that we we worship and that's that's what we stick to amen well in our uh our study last week was it had talked about you know the things that happen in the world even though god is omnipotent he did give us free will and and so things are going to happen that he doesn't want to happen thing you know that aren't in his will um but that's coming to an end you know that's that's not forever all right well please keep in contact keep in touch and uh keep watching the channel if you have seen anything uh on it uh and uh we'll we'll take from there maybe i'll give you a call sometime and see how you're doing definitely i'll be looking forward to this video you